This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Randomize
