Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Randomize
