Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Randomize
