Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
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