i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
I'm sobbing to NWA
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
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