i dont even know how to be here
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
