it was like his penis was on wheels.
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
Randomize
