Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
