if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Randomize
