I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
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