marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Randomize
