It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
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