You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
organizing the empties. That sober.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
