I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Randomize
