She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Randomize
