Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
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