he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
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