I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
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