2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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