I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
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