My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
