Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
Randomize
