I wannas sexs uuuuu
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
Randomize
