I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
