i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
dude i'm inner monologue high
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Randomize
