We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Randomize
