Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Randomize
