I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
