hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
