apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
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