like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Randomize
