Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
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