im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Randomize
