omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
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