drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
You may now shotgun with the bride
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
we should paint friendship bongs
Randomize
