Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
If that was your dad, he is hot
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
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