Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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