Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
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