I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
i think i just lost a toe
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
