I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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