my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
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