dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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