do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
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