I want to walk on stilts...naked
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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