I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
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