he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
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