mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
Farmville is her only friend.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
Randomize
