I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Randomize
