Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
Randomize
