Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
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