I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
P.S. I can't hear my feet
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
OPIZZABONMYDICK
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Randomize
