I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
Randomize
