please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
